Promise To Forget
by InkAndPens394
Summary: Dean wants Cas to forget him; Cas responds in a way that surprises him. Wasn't sure what to rate this so it will be T for now. DESTIEL! AU! Angst with a side order of fluff. Some spoilers through season nine, nothing really specific though. PLEASE REVIEW!


**AN:_ Dalek here! You're going to hate me for this one...sorry. This is basically the result of a conversation I had about memory versus belief. Then I got sick and developed a fever, which resulted in me writing this fic at 3:00 A.M., anyway, here it is. Please make a sick Dalek feel better and leave a review ;-)._**

_When my time comes,_

_Forget the wrong that I've done._

_Help me leave behind some reasons to be missed.  
_

_Leave out all the rest._

_Linkin Park_

Dean had never admitted to being frightened by death. He'd died enough times to be used to it; he'd sold his soul and gone to hell to save Sam, he'd been shot by insane hunters and gone to heaven; he'd died countless other times he couldn't even remember, but this time was different. He wrapped his arms more tightly around Castiel, who was lying next to him, and drew in a deep breath before speaking.

"I'm afraid, Cas." Three words Dean had never expected to speak aloud. The angel looked back at him with quiet understanding.

"I know." The simple acknowledgement offered no pity and Dean found that strangely comforting.

"I don't want to leave you; I never really thought about it before, but the last few months, with you, I don't want it to end. I don't want to die." There was nothing remotely freeing about admitting his fear, only the expected guilt he felt at burdening Castiel with his weakness. There were very good reasons Dean Winchester wasn't the sharing caring type; reasons that had been seared into his mind by long years of loss and guilt.

Castiel moved closer to Dean; their bodies pressed together under the thin sheets. "It's alright to be afraid, Dean. I'm afraid too, I'm afraid of what will happen tomorrow; I'm afraid I'll never see you again."

"Cas," Dean closed his eyes, unable to bear the love and acceptance he saw in the angel's blue eyes. "Promise me something, promise you won't remember me."

"Dean..."

"No, let me finish. I don't want you to remember everything I've done. I don't want you to think about all the people who've died because of me; I don't want you to think about how much I've screwed this up. Please, Cas, just forget about me. I've done so much that I can't forgive myself for, and I don't want that to be how you think of me, so please, just forget."

They lay there in silence for what seemed an eternity and Dean was afraid to open his eyes, afraid to see Cas' hurt, puzzled expression.

"Dean, look at me." When Castiel used that tone there was no arguing with him, Dean couldn't help but open his eyes.

Cas looked neither hurt nor puzzled. Dean looked into his eyes and felt the softness of the angel's wings wrap around his shoulders, offering him comfort and love.

"Dean, I will forget you, someday; everyone forgets, even angels." Dean nodded and started to turn away, but Cas stopped him with a gentle hand. "But I won't stop believing in you."

Dean blinked in confusion. No one had ever believed in him, at least not unconditionally. Belief had always been on an if then basis. If you do this then I'll believe in you. If you stop the apocalypse then I'll believe in you. If you find Gadreel then I'll believe in you. If you don't let the Mark of Cain control you then I'll believe in you. The belief that Cas was offering him was free, there was no silent qualifier, I you come back I'll believe in you; there was only a quiet, steadfast _belief_.

"Cas, I don't..."

"I've always believed in you and I always will. Even when I have doubted you I have still believed you would overcome my doubts. It's true you've done terrible things, but nothing will shake my belief in you. I love you, Dean Winchester, and I believe in you; I will forget you, but I will never stop believing in you."

Dean realized he was crying, but for once he felt no shame. He buried his face in Castiel's shoulder and let the tears come.

Castiel kissed Dean's forehead gently and ran his his fingers through the hunter's short, brown hair, massaging his scalp before moving down to work the tension from his neck and shoulders. The angel shifted, wrapping his wings more tightly around the hunter's shaking body and held him close until Dean's tears began to subside.

"Cas?" Dean asked softly.

"Dean?"

"Love you."

Cas pressed another gentle kiss to his forehead. "I love you too."

"Cas?" Even softer this time. "I'm going to die tomorrow. "

"Maybe, but tonight you're going to sleep."

Dean buried his head deeper into Castiel's chest and breathed in the angel's scent. Castiel didn't smell human; he smelled almost silvery, like Dean had imagined starlight and moonbeams would smell when he was very young, too young to understand that he was too old for fairy tales. The angel's smell always calmed Dean, relaxed him somehow; made him feel safe. He sighed and let the tension leave him, he would die tomorrow, maybe the next day he would be alive again, but tonight he was safe. He fell asleep with Castiel's wings wrapped around him and the angel's belief in him mending his broken soul.

* * *

Dean woke at dawn and gently extricated himself from Castiel's embrace. The angel appeared to be sleeping but Dean knew better. Cas was trying to spare him the pain of a goodbye, understanding somehow that Dean would be unable to say goodbye. Castiel understood him better than anyone ever had.

He leaned down and kissed the angel's soft lips, feeling Cas return his kiss gently without opening his eyes. He pulled on his clothes hurriedly and crossed the cabin, pausing with momentary indecision near the door. Dean didn't see Castiel watching him through half closed eyes as he paused, considering the two coats hanging by the door. After a moment Dean smiled slightly and pulled on Cas' old trench coat before slipping silently through the door into the early morning stillness of the woods.

Castiel blinked back the tears gathering in his eyes. He would always believe in Dean Winchester, and part of that belief was knowing that he would see Dean again, someday, no matter how impossible they would meet again. In life or in death, remembered or forgotten, but always believed in, and always loved.

_**So, not technically a deathfic, more of an implied death fic. If you choose to read this more optimistically, and believe that Dean somehow escaped the death he thought was waiting for him that's fine; this story is fairly open ended for a reason. Anyway, the point wasn't to make a big deal over Dean dying; the point was to say that memory and belief are two different things, and while being remembered is all well, personally I would rather be believed in. That being said I can't take credit for the idea behind this story. That credit goes entirely to Inky who gave me the idea and the inspiration to write this. As always, many thanks to her for being utterly amazing. **_

_**Till next time -Dalek**_


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